When a child misbehaves whether it’s talking back to teachers, fighting with friends, or breaking school rules parents are often the first to respond. A source said that pafikutaikab.org but while some use the moment to teach discipline, others immediately defend their child’s actions. Psychologists say this pattern, known as parental justification, often begins with love but can unintentionally turn into bias that harms both the child and the parent in the long run.
The Instinct to Protect
According to Dr. Ratri Kusumawardhani, a clinical psychologist from the Indonesian Psychological Association (HIMPSI), the instinct to defend one’s child is deeply rooted in parental love and protection. “When parents hear that their child has done something wrong, their first reaction is emotional, not rational,” she explains. “They feel attacked — as if someone is criticizing their parenting, not just their child’s behavior.”
This emotional reaction triggers what psychologists call “defensive empathy.” Parents project their own fear, guilt, or shame onto the situation, which clouds judgment. As a result, they focus on soothing their child’s feelings rather than addressing the behavior that caused the problem.
Love Can Blind Objectivity
Experts agree that love is one of the strongest — and sometimes most blinding — forces in parenting. Dr. Ratri notes that some parents believe defending their child publicly is an expression of loyalty and unconditional support. However, this approach can backfire. “When parents always justify or minimize their child’s mistakes, they unintentionally teach that accountability doesn’t matter,” she says.
Children raised in this pattern often develop external blame thinking, believing that rules are unfair or that others are always at fault. Over time, this mindset can hinder emotional growth and damage relationships with authority figures, such as teachers or employers.
Cultural and Social Factors
In many Asian cultures, including Indonesia, a child’s behavior reflects directly on family reputation. Dr. Andi Prasetyo, a family and child psychologist, explains that this cultural pressure can lead parents to defend their children as a way to protect family pride. “Admitting your child’s wrongdoing can feel like admitting your own failure,” he says. “That’s why some parents choose to deny, deflect, or justify — even when they know their child was wrong.”
The rise of social media has amplified this dynamic. When incidents involving children become public online, many parents react defensively out of fear of judgment, not necessarily because they believe their child is innocent.
The Hidden Cost to the Child
Constant justification may feel protective, but it often prevents children from developing empathy and resilience. Dr. Andi warns that children who are never held accountable tend to struggle with self-control, conflict resolution, and emotional maturity. “When parents take away the natural consequences of misbehavior, they also take away the opportunity for growth,” he says.
In contrast, balanced parenting — combining warmth with firm boundaries — helps children understand that mistakes are part of learning. The goal, experts emphasize, is not to punish but to guide.
Shifting from Bias to Balance
To break the cycle of overprotection, psychologists recommend that parents pause before reacting, listen to all sides of the story, and help their child reflect on their actions. Asking questions like “What could you have done differently?” encourages self-awareness rather than shame.
“Love should empower accountability, not erase it,” says Dr. Ratri. “When parents model honesty and responsibility, children learn to do the same.”
The Takeaway
Defending a child’s mistakes doesn’t make someone a bad parent — it makes them a human one. But true love, psychologists remind us, is not about shielding children from consequences; it’s about equipping them to face them. In the end, guiding with empathy and fairness builds something stronger than protection it builds character.
Source: Pafikutaikab
